Overcoming Bulimia - Personal Stories
From the time I was 12, every time I looked in the mirror I hated my body. My reflection in the mirror only exposed garish imperfections: extra skin here, fat cells there . . . I scrutinized my face every morning, certain that I was developing a double chin. I felt isolated and awkward at school and with my family. I directed my uneasiness and distress towards my body, telling myself I only needed to lose another 10 pounds in order to feel good. Ashamed to admit my physical ‘flaws,’ I hid my misery from my friends and family, thoroughly convinced that my weight was the source of my unhappiness.
From middle school and into college, I experimented with anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and compulsive eating. One afternoon, in the spring of my freshman year in college, my therapist mentioned a place called The Option Institute, where people went to change their beliefs. I had never heard of the Institute or even thought of attending a personal growth program but, willing to try anything to overcome my obsession with food and weight, I logged online and found the website. By the next day, I had registered for theHappiness Option Weekend. When I arrived for the introductory weekend, I hadn't told any of my friends and family that I had signed up for the program, and I had no idea what to expect. After 3 hours of class on Thursday night, I was blown away. For the first time in my life, I found myself in an environment where I felt safe bringing forth all of the ‘shameful’ eating disorder secrets that I so closely guarded. I felt incredibly supported by the teaching staff and the other participants. Whereas I had spent my entire life feeling disconnected from others, for the first time, I felt connected to an amazing group of open and accepting people. With the powerful group dynamics and the awareness I gained by questioning my beliefs, I learned to challenge the idea that there was something awful about my body or me.
I spent 8 weeks last summer at The Option Institute in Grand Summer Sequenceprogram. With each day, I grew more and more amazed by the dedicated teaching staff and the other incredible participants who became my extended family. Finally I began to put my doubts into perspective. I continued to examine my self-defeating beliefs and turn them around, which made a huge difference in enabling me to finally feel comfortable with my body.
As I learned to accept my body and love myself, I also discovered the wonder of loving and accepting others. What began as an attempt to 'fix' an eating disorder has developed into a radically different way of thinking and being. I have become confident, enthusiastic and easygoing. Even if I find myself overeating or judging my body, I know that I can choose to change, to be happy and trust that there is always something to learn from and to change any experience. The Option Institute programs have truly revolutionized the way I see myself, leading to new relationships with food, people and everything else. I look forward to each new adventure in my life, certain that no matter what happens, I will laugh a lot, learn a lot and love a lot of people.
Sandra Gordon, Student, Illinois
http://www.option.org/custom:eating-disorders,single,379
From middle school and into college, I experimented with anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and compulsive eating. One afternoon, in the spring of my freshman year in college, my therapist mentioned a place called The Option Institute, where people went to change their beliefs. I had never heard of the Institute or even thought of attending a personal growth program but, willing to try anything to overcome my obsession with food and weight, I logged online and found the website. By the next day, I had registered for theHappiness Option Weekend. When I arrived for the introductory weekend, I hadn't told any of my friends and family that I had signed up for the program, and I had no idea what to expect. After 3 hours of class on Thursday night, I was blown away. For the first time in my life, I found myself in an environment where I felt safe bringing forth all of the ‘shameful’ eating disorder secrets that I so closely guarded. I felt incredibly supported by the teaching staff and the other participants. Whereas I had spent my entire life feeling disconnected from others, for the first time, I felt connected to an amazing group of open and accepting people. With the powerful group dynamics and the awareness I gained by questioning my beliefs, I learned to challenge the idea that there was something awful about my body or me.
I spent 8 weeks last summer at The Option Institute in Grand Summer Sequenceprogram. With each day, I grew more and more amazed by the dedicated teaching staff and the other incredible participants who became my extended family. Finally I began to put my doubts into perspective. I continued to examine my self-defeating beliefs and turn them around, which made a huge difference in enabling me to finally feel comfortable with my body.
As I learned to accept my body and love myself, I also discovered the wonder of loving and accepting others. What began as an attempt to 'fix' an eating disorder has developed into a radically different way of thinking and being. I have become confident, enthusiastic and easygoing. Even if I find myself overeating or judging my body, I know that I can choose to change, to be happy and trust that there is always something to learn from and to change any experience. The Option Institute programs have truly revolutionized the way I see myself, leading to new relationships with food, people and everything else. I look forward to each new adventure in my life, certain that no matter what happens, I will laugh a lot, learn a lot and love a lot of people.
Sandra Gordon, Student, Illinois
http://www.option.org/custom:eating-disorders,single,379
Never Give Up!
Bulimia started with an idea, Hey! If I only eat one meal a
day, and then throw up that one meal, I'll get super skinny and fast! I did lose weight at first.
I was in high school when this all started and at first, the feeling of loose jeans, a concave stomach and a tiny waist thrilled me to no end. I was high as a kite on that feeling. I really believed my whole life would change, that things would come easier to me, people would like me more, boys would be attracted to me and all the ugly, desperate feelings of 'not fitting in' would just disappear. I was thin, after all.
Bulimia has a way of growing, though. It gets larger and larger and more consuming, until it takes over your every waking day. Because I was starving, I soon began to obsess about food. So much energy went into thinking about food. Writing down what I ate, calculating calories, throwing it up, binging some more, throwing it up, eating laxatives, getting sick all the next day. No wonder by the time I was 23, I felt more like 100.
Bulimia took a terrible toll on my spirit, my self esteem, my relationships and of course, my physical body. My teeth needed scales of dental work, to repair what I had done. My skin looked dull and I had puffy cheeks and bloodshot eyes. My hair lay limp and dry against my head. I had no energy.
My stomach and esophagus felt burnt and raw. I had a raspy voice. My stomach was always bloated from the constant abuse. So much for a tiny waist! And worst of all, I no longer was losing weight. Instead, I was gaining and couldn't seem to stop. Soon, I'd put on all the original weight I'd lost, plus an additional 25 pounds. I looked and felt terrible. And, I wasn't even 25 years old.
It took me years to get back to health. I finally got up the courage to start therapy. I did both individual and group. I also joined a support group, and read tons of books, and journaled as if my life depended on it.
I took vitamins. I exercised, but not to excessively. I ate fruits, vegetables, oatmeal,chicken, nuts, beans and whatever else seemed healthy. I also started studying nutrition and went on to get my advanced degree. I stopped throwing up for good. I figured I'd just have to let my body settle at it's 'normal' weight and that was that.
Well, at first I did keep gaining. Then it leveled off. Then once my body realized I wasn't starving it anymore, it started to go back down to its 'true' normal weight, which is about a size 6.
I can say, for the past 15 years, I have been free of bulimic behavior. It was a long road, but it was well worth it. I am amazed at the healing capacity of the human spirit and body.
Today, I look and feel better than I did in my early 20's. To anyone who is suffering from this disease, I can only say that recovery is possible. You must never give up.
-Anonymus
Bulimia started with an idea, Hey! If I only eat one meal a
day, and then throw up that one meal, I'll get super skinny and fast! I did lose weight at first.
I was in high school when this all started and at first, the feeling of loose jeans, a concave stomach and a tiny waist thrilled me to no end. I was high as a kite on that feeling. I really believed my whole life would change, that things would come easier to me, people would like me more, boys would be attracted to me and all the ugly, desperate feelings of 'not fitting in' would just disappear. I was thin, after all.
Bulimia has a way of growing, though. It gets larger and larger and more consuming, until it takes over your every waking day. Because I was starving, I soon began to obsess about food. So much energy went into thinking about food. Writing down what I ate, calculating calories, throwing it up, binging some more, throwing it up, eating laxatives, getting sick all the next day. No wonder by the time I was 23, I felt more like 100.
Bulimia took a terrible toll on my spirit, my self esteem, my relationships and of course, my physical body. My teeth needed scales of dental work, to repair what I had done. My skin looked dull and I had puffy cheeks and bloodshot eyes. My hair lay limp and dry against my head. I had no energy.
My stomach and esophagus felt burnt and raw. I had a raspy voice. My stomach was always bloated from the constant abuse. So much for a tiny waist! And worst of all, I no longer was losing weight. Instead, I was gaining and couldn't seem to stop. Soon, I'd put on all the original weight I'd lost, plus an additional 25 pounds. I looked and felt terrible. And, I wasn't even 25 years old.
It took me years to get back to health. I finally got up the courage to start therapy. I did both individual and group. I also joined a support group, and read tons of books, and journaled as if my life depended on it.
I took vitamins. I exercised, but not to excessively. I ate fruits, vegetables, oatmeal,chicken, nuts, beans and whatever else seemed healthy. I also started studying nutrition and went on to get my advanced degree. I stopped throwing up for good. I figured I'd just have to let my body settle at it's 'normal' weight and that was that.
Well, at first I did keep gaining. Then it leveled off. Then once my body realized I wasn't starving it anymore, it started to go back down to its 'true' normal weight, which is about a size 6.
I can say, for the past 15 years, I have been free of bulimic behavior. It was a long road, but it was well worth it. I am amazed at the healing capacity of the human spirit and body.
Today, I look and feel better than I did in my early 20's. To anyone who is suffering from this disease, I can only say that recovery is possible. You must never give up.
-Anonymus